Communication is NOT the key

❀ They don’t listen to me

❀ I thought I was making myself clear… clearly not

❀ They never pay attention to what I say

❀ I try to explain myself, but there’s so much disconnection

❀ The only thing we agree on is that we don’t understand each other

❀ I really don’t understand what this person means. I ask questions, but they can’t (or won’t) explain what’s wrong

❀ X person doesn’t understand me, even if I tried so many ways to make my message clear to them

Any of these sound familiar?

From the outside, it looks like a communication issue. A mismatch in styles. And babe, I thought that too…

let me break it down to you, gently but firmly:

Sometimes what looks like a communication issue is actually a self-worth problem

And yes, I made the same “LOL, no” face when I first heard it.

Because I was like: “What do you mean it’s MY issue? I’ve tried so hard, I’ve adjusted my tone, my words, my timing. I’ve done everything.”

Exactly

If you have to adjust, change, and try over and over again, who is doing all the emotional labour? You are

Now, to be clear, yes, some people genuinely have different communication styles. But if you are constantly explaining, shrinking and over-functioning…that’s not a style. That’s a dynamic.

You do not need to modify yourself to be worthy of being understood. You need to believe that what you are saying matters.

And here is when the real deal comes:

Do you believe you are worthy to be listened to and respected?

Then clear boundaries need to be set, and they need to be spoken outloud.

Try:

❀ I’m happy to talk about this, but I won’t do it while I’m being dismissed

❀ I’m not asking you to agree, I’m asking you to respect how I feel

❀ If this keeps happening, I will take space from this relationship

If, after the boundaries have been spoken, these were still broken, then is time to let go of that relationship. Simple as that. Because you love and respect yourself.

Questions to reflect:

→ If they were never going to change, would I want to be in this relationship in the next 12 months? In 5 years?

→ If they were never going to change, would I feel safe, seen and happy in my life with them?

→ How would ideal communication with them look like? and what boundaries support that?

You are not “hard to understand”. You’re just done begging to be heard.

So much love,

Cristina x